Silence

One thing that is definitely true about the deployment experience so far is that some days are 'good' days and others are 'bad'. Good days are the days that go by when I think about him and the only thing I can do is smile :) But the bad days are the days that when I think of him and how much longer we have apart and how much I miss him, this horrible feeling of hopelessness and loneliness comes over me. The 'bad' days aren't much fun, thus the reason why they are named 'bad' :P But the hardest part about the 'bad' days isn't the sad feelings that arise, but rather fighting those feelings and shifting the focus elsewhere.

Ever since AJ left I cannot stand to be home and have the apartment be completely silent. (Well, as silent as 'silent' can be when it comes to living in an apartment with noisy neighbors!) The tv is always on in the livingroom and the radio is always on in the back room. I also try to keep myself as busy as possible, or at least occupied. If I'm doing lots of stuff, the day will go by faster, and he'll be home again before I know it. Sitting at home in utter silence with nothing to do is one of the last things I want.

And yet...those moments of utter silence are what I need most.

"Be still and know that I am God." ~Psalm 46:10

A book I am reading quoted the following:
"Strength is in quietness. The lake must be calm if the Heavens are to be reflected on its surface."

Too often the only thing I can think of when it comes to silence is to get rid of it. Instead I need to use that silence to take the time to listen to what God has to say. Take the time to pray to Him. Take the time to give all my worries and doubts to Him. I need to take the silent moments to allow God to speak to me, to recharge my empty spirit, to comfort me, and to give me the strength I need to make it through another day.

Using the silence for His glory will not only make the 'bad' days a little better, but the 'good' days more than amazing :)